Entry Six HERE.
----------------------
ENTRY SEVEN
It is with some strange compulsion that I mock-imagine my diary entries so far. To mock-imagine anything is to create it for real, with two negatives often making a positive.
Judging by the pointless bubbles that swell and burst by means of Optimism throughout history, I wonder if the Pessimist Philosophy (incorporating Horror Fiction and other obsessions with Death) is the most Optimistic by being the most Realistic. Most people fight against the grain of their inner being by following Optimism’s uphill path, brainwashed to believe it as the most attractive. But downhill is more efficient, with the poetic air blowing through what is left of your hair, the pedals free-wheeling...
Hormones do differ and drive us disproportionately one way or another, depending which hormones we naturally harbour.
But, if we want to get to places by following the course of least resistance, some say greed and ambition represent this course most naturally by being the nearest to the broad animal instincts of survival and fulfilment. And greed and ambition feast upon Optimism for their gory fuel.
The best response, I feel, is to mock-imagine making an overall physical audit trail of your motivations and other propensities-for-action-or-inaction, then minutely flaying the resultant ‘rope of endeavour’ (with unkempt overgrown fingernails) into constituent threads ... winding the ‘despair’ threads around your neck to see how tight they can be pulled before you expire, weaving the ‘hope’ ones into useful containers to give to charities, and tangling other threads (neither ‘despair’ or ‘hope’ ones) into an artistic knot for a knot’s own sake.
Some of the threads, meanwhile, will probably take on a life of their own, stitching themselves deep under the skin, tugging in one direction or another until your limbs reflect the jumping-jackass hormone map, or follow thought’s ley-lines, or secret desires ... tapping the wells of life and death, tapping them not to the optimum for which we originally craved but to what I call the essential pessimum...as the easiest path into the final knot-of-all-knots: the ligottum.
Only by finding myself impossible to unravel, can I travel properly.
--------------------
Entry Eight HERE.
.
